the power of subspace, part I

the power of subspace, part I

We’ve smoked up and daddy has taken me to the bedroom, gently leading me to the bed by my ponytail. He’s made it clear, even in the nice mellow haze we’re in, that he plans to use me, that he hasn’t cum in days despite our frenzied fucking every night. He’s been holding on, waiting. I’m ready for wherever this moment takes us.

He spanks me. I give his cock loving attention with my mouth, slowing letting his tension build until he backs away and takes a breath and steadies himself. He doesn’t want to cum anywhere else than inside of me. He takes hold of the base of his dick and teases my clit with just the tip. I’m so wet and i start begging him to enter me. “Please please, daddy, i need you so bad,” i whine. Suddenly, he’s pushing himself into my tightness and he emits a deep growl that makes my head tingle.

Then i realize: I’m deep in subspace.

I can feel everything, but i think about nothing. Nothing worries me. I’m not thinking about the long list of things to be done, I’m not imagining other lovers or some porn i watched, i’m not daydreaming. I am fully present while also floating above myself. Every touch is electric. Nothing, not even the sting of the paddle earlier or his teeth on my neck or the hard and deep thrusting he’s doing now, hurts.

I find myself loudly moaning, but daddy covers my mouth and finally says “shhh.” I go quiet, but am still breathing heavily and occasionally a tiny squeal or yelp comes out from my lips pressed to his warm palm. As i begin to focus my energy on the movement of our hips, i realize we have both gone quiet; we are both focusing and connected. Our grinding takes on a new rhythm. We are co-creating this magick. We move faster together, his cock driving deeper into my cunt. I press my mound into him and lift my hips upward, silently begging for all of him.

I want him to cum… and i want him to cum hard.

We feel connected, our parts fitting together so perfectly. I want him. I want every part of him. I want him so madly, i want to BE him. I want us to somehow merge and take on a new shape together. When i close my eyes, all i see is a hot pink pulsing color. I can feel the electricity of the room in his hands and how they press harder, how he uses my shoulders for leverage, how desperate he has become to empty himself into me. I want to be a vessel for his pleasure and i go slightly limp, allowing him to thrust as hard as he needs until at last he explodes and we both collapse into a glowing, sighing mess.

I’ve had this experience with him a couple of times before and have become aware of how powerful we could be together if we actually tried sex magick. He used to have a partner with whom he practiced this ritual and he eventually found it a little overwhelming and had to stop. But sometimes I wonder if our own expression of the divine, of the ultimate in human co-creation, would be a force for good for us and the world around us. What power could we have together in every other area of our lives if we let ourselves completely go and if our energies mixed and resonated into our home and into the universe? What do we gain when we let go of everything as two people together?

I am realizing over time the human capacity to (re)create ourselves and to manifest harmony and strength through sex and kink. Most of the time, We’re capable of more than we think, we’re physically and emotionally stronger than we know, and when we step out of our comfort zones and are completely vulnerable, open, and willing, we can make anything happen in and outside the bedroom. Being able to push just that little bit harder and see what’s on the other side of our fear or reluctance – that is a skill we can all use everywhere else in our lives, isn’t it? When we are able to feel our own endlessness, we can see that our thinking doesn’t have to be finite. We are capable of more than we think. We can take that into every aspect of our lives and learn to ask for more than we did before. We are worthy of it. We are more than capable.

When i connect with my partner this way, when i give myself fully to him and to the moment, I connect with the divine as well. Every sharp spank, every sting of the flogger feels like a spark lighting a fire. That warmth spreads over every inch of my skin. I feel ancient, I feel some primal instinct rise from inside me. I know that we are giving in, together, to one of the most basic and universal desires. We are connected with all who have come before, all who will be after. There are others merging and blending and orgasming at the very same time we are, somewhere around the world. We are part of the cosmos. We are stardust. We are creation. We are powerful, beautiful, necessary. We are small in the grand scheme of things, but we are mighty no matter what.

Not all sex will feel this way. Sometimes i just really need to get off. Sometimes i end up giggling. Sometimes there’s a lot of talk during. Sometimes i get up afterwards and go about my day. That’s okay.

But here’s my suggestion for you, dear reader: take time to appreciate how magnificent the human body is, how our skin conducts the electricity of another’s, how we are drawn together in love or lust or both. Give yourself over once in a while to this mystery. We are divine beings, worthy of love and care, and when we find kindred, we can make magick together. How incredible it is to be human!