the power of subspace, part II: sex on substances

the power of subspace, part II: sex on substances

I stand in the kitchen, taking my coat off after my arrival home from work. Daddy approaches smiling and carefully wraps his long thin fingers around my throat. I let out a big sigh and my shoulders drop as i relax into his hold.

he gently tongues my ear and whispers, “welcome home, kitten.” i melt a second time.

i’m drifting into subspace, a little wobbly on my feet. i kneel and Daddy offers me a carefully rolled joint.

i’m ready to get lost… twice over.

after i published “the power of subspace, part I,” a good friend suggested i might run into some folx who would take issue with the use of substances during kinky play. their experience has been that more formally organized kink groups adhere to RACK and/or SSC principles and ban the use of substances at parties and events. they don’t generally advocate the use of drugs while taking part in kink anywhere; there are definite consent and safety concerns to be had.

up front: i’ve never been involved in any local kink group, nor have i gone to a munch or a con. i’ve only played publicly once and i was completely sober. i don’t have any experience with dungeons or somewhere with lots of people playing at once. historically, all of my play has occurred in private homes with one or two partners i knew and trusted. or if i played with more, it was mostly private, non-sexual, and sober.

so basically, i’ve never had to do on-the-spot negotiations in this setting. i can completely understand why banning the use of drugs is common practice. even though at this point, i’m a seasoned toker, i would probably be reluctant to participate in public play while high.

to some, it might seem redundant. i mean, isn’t the lure of delicious subspace enough?

yes and no.

stoned subspace

i enjoy the feeling of getting stoned and being put into subspace. it’s not a necessity or a fetish; i can get high or go into subspace independently. but they are really, really nice together. i often find that i can truly let go when i’m stoned. it can be difficult for me to physically relax without a LOT of foreplay and even then, i tend to get trapped in my head, thinking about unrelated things or worried about my performance.

but even if i’m relaxed, i still feel i have control over my body and the ability to give enthusiastic consent. as drugs go, alcohol is the one that makes me less likely to think something through and more likely to take risks that aren’t particularly healthy. weed makes me agreeable and submissive, but i’m still aware enough to know what’s happening and to be able to spot when i don’t feel emotionally safe.

that said, it’s not the case for everyone. i’d never compel someone to use a substance to have sex or engage in D/s play. i’d never shame people who prefer to have sober sex. everyone is different and that is perfectly good.

i just happen to like them together. they feel like part of my own burgeoning spirituality and an integral part of my sexual and romantic relationship with my partner.

it’s a matter of trust

i couldn’t do this with a stranger. i couldn’t be this vulnerable and in two altered states with just anyone. i view marijuana as part of my own spiritual practice, although i have yet to fully articulate what it means to me. (i’m going to start privately journaling about this soon. i think it’s useful. i recommend cannabis feminist and merry jane if you’re on a similar search.)

i see d/s as part of it as well. it’s something i love to share with my daddy and it tends to make our connection even stronger, whether we’re simply sitting around, laughing at some silly thing on youtube or he’s spanking me and making me beg for it. we both become less inhibited by our fears of abandonment; we can let our guards down.

i implicitly trust my partner. and that’s a big part of why pot and play are so hot!

hard limit

all of this said, i can’t see myself doing harder drugs for any purpose, but especially during sex. i’m good with this particular one!

here are some other cool links of interest on the topic:

17 tips for having sex stoned (bustle)

how do cannabis and and seduction work together? (leafly)

talking sex work & cannabis with mistress matisse (medium)

dexx interviews ashley manta, cannasexual


daddy takes my hand and leads me to the bedroom, where he puts me on my knees.

i look up at him and coo, “you make me so high.”

the power of subspace, part I

the power of subspace, part I

We’ve smoked up and daddy has taken me to the bedroom, gently leading me to the bed by my ponytail. He’s made it clear, even in the nice mellow haze we’re in, that he plans to use me, that he hasn’t cum in days despite our frenzied fucking every night. He’s been holding on, waiting. I’m ready for wherever this moment takes us.

He spanks me. I give his cock loving attention with my mouth, slowing letting his tension build until he backs away and takes a breath and steadies himself. He doesn’t want to cum anywhere else than inside of me. He takes hold of the base of his dick and teases my clit with just the tip. I’m so wet and i start begging him to enter me. “Please please, daddy, i need you so bad,” i whine. Suddenly, he’s pushing himself into my tightness and he emits a deep growl that makes my head tingle.

Then i realize: I’m deep in subspace.

I can feel everything, but i think about nothing. Nothing worries me. I’m not thinking about the long list of things to be done, I’m not imagining other lovers or some porn i watched, i’m not daydreaming. I am fully present while also floating above myself. Every touch is electric. Nothing, not even the sting of the paddle earlier or his teeth on my neck or the hard and deep thrusting he’s doing now, hurts.

I find myself loudly moaning, but daddy covers my mouth and finally says “shhh.” I go quiet, but am still breathing heavily and occasionally a tiny squeal or yelp comes out from my lips pressed to his warm palm. As i begin to focus my energy on the movement of our hips, i realize we have both gone quiet; we are both focusing and connected. Our grinding takes on a new rhythm. We are co-creating this magick. We move faster together, his cock driving deeper into my cunt. I press my mound into him and lift my hips upward, silently begging for all of him.

I want him to cum… and i want him to cum hard.

We feel connected, our parts fitting together so perfectly. I want him. I want every part of him. I want him so madly, i want to BE him. I want us to somehow merge and take on a new shape together. When i close my eyes, all i see is a hot pink pulsing color. I can feel the electricity of the room in his hands and how they press harder, how he uses my shoulders for leverage, how desperate he has become to empty himself into me. I want to be a vessel for his pleasure and i go slightly limp, allowing him to thrust as hard as he needs until at last he explodes and we both collapse into a glowing, sighing mess.

I’ve had this experience with him a couple of times before and have become aware of how powerful we could be together if we actually tried sex magick. He used to have a partner with whom he practiced this ritual and he eventually found it a little overwhelming and had to stop. But sometimes I wonder if our own expression of the divine, of the ultimate in human co-creation, would be a force for good for us and the world around us. What power could we have together in every other area of our lives if we let ourselves completely go and if our energies mixed and resonated into our home and into the universe? What do we gain when we let go of everything as two people together?

I am realizing over time the human capacity to (re)create ourselves and to manifest harmony and strength through sex and kink. Most of the time, We’re capable of more than we think, we’re physically and emotionally stronger than we know, and when we step out of our comfort zones and are completely vulnerable, open, and willing, we can make anything happen in and outside the bedroom. Being able to push just that little bit harder and see what’s on the other side of our fear or reluctance – that is a skill we can all use everywhere else in our lives, isn’t it? When we are able to feel our own endlessness, we can see that our thinking doesn’t have to be finite. We are capable of more than we think. We can take that into every aspect of our lives and learn to ask for more than we did before. We are worthy of it. We are more than capable.

When i connect with my partner this way, when i give myself fully to him and to the moment, I connect with the divine as well. Every sharp spank, every sting of the flogger feels like a spark lighting a fire. That warmth spreads over every inch of my skin. I feel ancient, I feel some primal instinct rise from inside me. I know that we are giving in, together, to one of the most basic and universal desires. We are connected with all who have come before, all who will be after. There are others merging and blending and orgasming at the very same time we are, somewhere around the world. We are part of the cosmos. We are stardust. We are creation. We are powerful, beautiful, necessary. We are small in the grand scheme of things, but we are mighty no matter what.

Not all sex will feel this way. Sometimes i just really need to get off. Sometimes i end up giggling. Sometimes there’s a lot of talk during. Sometimes i get up afterwards and go about my day. That’s okay.

But here’s my suggestion for you, dear reader: take time to appreciate how magnificent the human body is, how our skin conducts the electricity of another’s, how we are drawn together in love or lust or both. Give yourself over once in a while to this mystery. We are divine beings, worthy of love and care, and when we find kindred, we can make magick together. How incredible it is to be human!