the power of subspace, part II: sex on substances

the power of subspace, part II: sex on substances

I stand in the kitchen, taking my coat off after my arrival home from work. Daddy approaches smiling and carefully wraps his long thin fingers around my throat. I let out a big sigh and my shoulders drop as i relax into his hold.

he gently tongues my ear and whispers, “welcome home, kitten.” i melt a second time.

i’m drifting into subspace, a little wobbly on my feet. i kneel and Daddy offers me a carefully rolled joint.

i’m ready to get lost… twice over.


after i published “the power of subspace, part I,” a good friend suggested i might run into some folx who would take issue with the use of substances during kinky play. their experience has been that more formally organized kink groups adhere to RACK and/or SSC principles and ban the use of substances at parties and events. they don’t generally advocate the use of drugs while taking part in kink anywhere; there are definite consent and safety concerns to be had.

up front: i’ve never been involved in any local kink group, nor have i gone to a munch or a con. i’ve only played publicly once and i was completely sober. i don’t have any experience with dungeons or somewhere with lots of people playing at once. historically, all of my play has occurred in private homes with one or two partners i knew and trusted. or if i played with more, it was mostly private, non-sexual, and sober.

so basically, i’ve never had to do on-the-spot negotiations in this setting. i can completely understand why banning the use of drugs is common practice. even though at this point, i’m a seasoned toker, i would probably be reluctant to participate in public play while high.

to some, it might seem redundant. i mean, isn’t the lure of delicious subspace enough?

yes and no.

stoned subspace

i enjoy the feeling of getting stoned and being put into subspace. it’s not a necessity or a fetish; i can get high or go into subspace independently. but they are really, really nice together. i often find that i can truly let go when i’m stoned. it can be difficult for me to physically relax without a LOT of foreplay and even then, i tend to get trapped in my head, thinking about unrelated things or worried about my performance.

but even if i’m relaxed, i still feel i have control over my body and the ability to give enthusiastic consent. as drugs go, alcohol is the one that makes me less likely to think something through and more likely to take risks that aren’t particularly healthy. weed makes me agreeable and submissive, but i’m still aware enough to know what’s happening and to be able to spot when i don’t feel emotionally safe.

that said, it’s not the case for everyone. i’d never compel someone to use a substance to have sex or engage in D/s play. i’d never shame people who prefer to have sober sex. everyone is different and that is perfectly good.

i just happen to like them together. they feel like part of my own burgeoning spirituality and an integral part of my sexual and romantic relationship with my partner.

it’s a matter of trust

i couldn’t do this with a stranger. i couldn’t be this vulnerable and in two altered states with just anyone. i view marijuana as part of my own spiritual practice, although i have yet to fully articulate what it means to me. (i’m going to start privately journaling about this soon. i think it’s useful. i recommend cannabis feminist and merry jane if you’re on a similar search.)

i see d/s as part of it as well. it’s something i love to share with my daddy and it tends to make our connection even stronger, whether we’re simply sitting around, laughing at some silly thing on youtube or he’s spanking me and making me beg for it. we both become less inhibited by our fears of abandonment; we can let our guards down.

i implicitly trust my partner. and that’s a big part of why pot and play are so hot!

hard limit

all of this said, i can’t see myself doing harder drugs for any purpose, but especially during sex. i’m good with this particular one!

here are some other cool links of interest on the topic:

17 tips for having sex stoned (bustle)

how do cannabis and and seduction work together? (leafly)

talking sex work & cannabis with mistress matisse (medium)

dexx interviews ashley manta, cannasexual

 


daddy takes my hand and leads me to the bedroom, where he puts me on my knees.

i look up at him and coo, “you make me so high.”

review: tantus snap strap & plunge paddle

review: tantus snap strap & plunge paddle

i had been absolutely drooling over the tantus plunge paddle for several months when my sex toy dreams came true and the kind folx there sent me one to review, PLUS a second one, the snap strap. the day the box came, i practically danced a jig in the kitchen.

“i’m gonna get spaaaaaanked! i’m gonna get spaaaaaanked!”

i sang with a big smile as i bounced around the room. *i* was ready to get this party started!

i recently bought my first tantus product, the super soft c-ring, which my Daddy and i really quite like. the 100% ultra-premium silicone is the first thing you notice about tantus products. the material is velvety and cleans up surprisingly well, not to mention it’s body safe. as i took the paddle and strap out of the box, i gently rubbed the black matte strap against my cheek and sighed.

i never said i was “normal,” whatever that is.

when it came time for testing these bad boys out, i was a wee bit nervous. i’m relatively new to impact play and am very much in training to take more pain, so needless to say, i was wondering if i’d be able to walk the next day.

here’s what i discovered:

mastering the tantus snap strap

tantus snap strap
tantus snap strap

the snap strap is very… flexible, basically wobbly. it’s wise to think of this thin, 17.55-inch strap as less a paddle and more like a belt. the first smack on my bare ass had a sharp sting that took me by surprise. there is a little bit of a learning curve with the snap strap. my Daddy reports that there’s a certain wrist technique you need to master to use the snap strap effectively. he recommends stepping back a little from your subject, because the strap is actually pretty long and you can end up hitting someone in a not-so-great place if you don’t pay decent attention. for someone like me in training, i think it’s a toy to spend some time using and to work up to longer sessions with it.

tantus snap strap
tantus snap strap

it makes sense that both toys are marketed to the “advanced enthusiast;” you do need to have a good sense of control in your arm, wrist, and fingers and a decent sense of where on the body to land the blow. but the strap is not a particularly thuddy toy. instead, the plunge creates a lovely snapping, whooshing sound. it’s pretty fun once your partner gets the hang of it and, at least for me, when you alternate between this toy and another. we’re going to be working with this one for a while, i think, because i think there’s still a lot of potential here even if it takes some practice.

sex toy light bulb moment! 💡

something that has occurred to me while playing with this a few times, and having just returned from a trip, is that it’s a fairly discreet toy that can be rolled up and stored in a bag or suitcase without tipping anyone off. it just looks like a wider belt with no metal to set off detectors.

take the plunge!

although the tantus plunge paddle is also made for more intermediate/advanced players, both of us

tantus plunge paddle
tantus plunge paddle

found this toy easier to use right out of the packaging and with more than one option for pleasure! the plunge is made of the same dreamy black silicone. the paddle itself is much thicker and heavier than the snap strap, so you can get a nice thuddy smack against the skin with good control, especially since it’s a smaller toy. your partner will be closer to you when they paddle you, which leaves them ready and able to stick the 6″ insertable handle-that-doubles-as-a-shaft right into your… well, wherever you’d like. there are many fun places to put the shaft, but keep in mind that it’s not particularly bendy. it’s pretty solid and i’d be careful when inserting it. this toy is far more obvious. 😏

tantus plunge paddle
tantus plunge paddle

that said, it’s reaaaaalllly amazing to be able to switch things up quickly. i enjoyed having it jammed into my mouth while being penetrated by my partner. it really spiced things up for me and i felt super subby as Daddy grabbed it out of my mouth and began spanking me with the paddle again. it’s also amazing when alternated with the strap. you get a sting, then another sting, then maybe a few thuds from the plunge, and another sting from the strap.  there are just so many options here!

the only downside (and it’s not at all that dire…)

my only issue with the plunge paddle is the hole that’s drilled into the insertable handle. you have to make sure to clean out that part of the toy after every use because it could get really gunked up and gross. it would probably be better product design to eliminate the hole that presumably you’d use to hang it up. (this is a toy you’ll want to display due to its elegant minimalist design, but you don’t really have to hang it up, do you?) this is really the only qualm i have. the issue of maintenance is easily answered by popping your plunge into the dishwasher or boiling in a pot of water to sanitize. on the go, both of these silicone sweeties clean up well with my fave afterglow cleansing tissues, but you can even use bleach if necessary.

summing it up

overall, i’m very pleased with both plunge paddle and the snap strap, especially alternating them in the same session. be ready to put in a bit of time and effort learning the best way to play with them, but it’s totally worth it for such high-quality body safe implements from tantus.

**thanks to tantus for providing me with these two products to review in exchange for my honest review.