a quick update

a quick update

photo of autumn leaves on the ground and a pair of feet wearing chuck taylor sneakers.

september was tough; so was the beginning of october. the last gasps of summer brought about all kinds of stress for me, both personal and political. the kavanaugh nomination hearing really fucked me up, to be honest. in the midst of my own stresses about my day job and dealing with a relatively new rheumatoid arthritis/fibromyalgia diagnosis, the dam inside burst and i found myself drowning in grief and anger – for myself and for women everywhere. i found myself crying at my desk, crying when i arrived home from work, raging and ready for a fight, and leaning on my partner to get me through this mess. my physical pain became intertwined with the pain of remembering my own sexual assaults and deeply feeling the collective anger of so many survivors who have been retraumatized while we watched the kavanaugh debacle unfold. his confirmation and swearing in only served to prove the point: women remain quiet about their assaults in part because we are ignored and tossed aside when we do come forward. 

it is tiring to be so angry. i am tired.

i wanted to write here all month. i wanted to get to work and rebuild by creating, but i just lacked the energy. i still have a review to write and post; hopefully the folx at peepshow won’t put me on the “do not send sex toys for review” list. it hasn’t been lack of inspiration, though, which is a nice change of pace. i’m hoping to get more content up on the blog in the coming weeks. 

in the last couple of months, i did some side gig work and that was pretty enjoyable, mostly because i enjoy helping others and gain satisfaction from even simple tasks. (the extra money was helpful, too!) i hung out with a couple of friends, but mostly i’ve been coccooning away, trying to recharge, which seems like an endless and monumental job. i’m hopeful, though, that slowly i’ll be able to learn to manage my chronic illness better than i have been and will be more invested in the self-care type of things that i seem to view as luxuries, but which, at this point, are going to help me survive and thrive.

so… i just wanted to let you all know that i’m still here and there will be content coming. i appreciate all of you who keep reading my work, RTing my tweets, and following me on twitter. i’m so blessed to be a part of the community.

hopefully the rest of the month will be pleasantly quiet and productive. 

love to you all!

things i learned on my summer vacation

things i learned on my summer vacation

photo by me.

okay, i lied. i didn’t actually take a summer vacation, unless you count a trip down south for work. but i DID learn a lot this summer – about myself, about the importance of being present in community, and about how i work and what i want to do in the coming months.

when i started this blog, i thought it would be fun to write about sex and relationships and maybe get some free sex toys to review in the process. i love to write. i love talking about sex. why not? it would give me a creative outlet and maybe i’d learn some things along the way.

all of those things happened… and more. 

things i learned about myself this summer:

i’m letting my imagination run wild for the first time in my life and it feels really good.

when i decide to do something, i go all in. 

i’m not lazy like i used to think i was.

my body is strong(er) and more flexible than i usually think.

i’m desirable.

impact play is my JAM.

i’m not half bad at gardening.

i have a good head for business… and give great head, too. 😏

i enjoy helping others reach their goals, specifically other writers and sex educators.

i am driven more than ever to create more financial and emotional security in my life.

often, all you have to do is ask. the worst anyone will say is “no.”

things i learned about community, specially the sex blogging online world:

i’m enjoy co-creating.

it’s important to conserve my emotional energy during times of upheaval.

i’m pretty good at networking. see also: asking.

we can do just about anything we imagine and we can do it together and get results.

i’m not much of a follower or joiner, but i like being in community with other like-minded folx.

save your drafts in word or google docs before putting ’em in WP!

things i learned about my career path:

what i wanted to do before is not what i want to do now.

i don’t enjoy working for people; i enjoy working with people.

i enjoy being my own boss and collaborating on something that benefits a lot of other folx.

i’m capable of learning new skills quickly.

my writing is meaningful to some people and to me.

once i get my new business really going, i never want to work in an office again.

my efforts are effective and seen and appreciated.

i have skills people want.

i want to do some form of sex work next year. thinking of sextpanther!

i want to create things that help and educate and entertain – whether as a behind the scenes helper or the star of the show.

tomorrow it’s supposed to be 60ish degrees and i am so happy to welcome autumn! it was a good summer, but bring on the sweaters and under-the-blankets sex!